Old Wounds
by OffCenterFold
Summary: Every decision, no matter how small, bears unimaginable consequences.  When Megumi made a choice that she thought would protect her newfound friends, she never imagined that it might completely change the fates of everyone for whom she has come to care.
1. Chapter 1

_[AN] This is actually one of the first RK fics I wrote, somewhere between ten and fifteen years ago. It's not a happy ending, and it flies in the face of canon; I had not yet finished watching the series and it was long before I ever read the manga. I'm not even entirely sure why I'm posting it, except that I feel compelled. I don't expect good reviews. I'm not even sure I expect any at all. This is not fluff, it's not a feel-good story. It may not be good enough to evoke tears. When I wrote this, I had been thinking a lot about what a huge difference one tiny choice can make, and how widely the repercussions spread. I guess that subject's been on my mind lately again. [/AN]_

**Old Wounds**

_Chursh. Chursh. Chursh._ The woman looked down at the powder in the bowl before her. She appeared far older than her thirty years, worn down by ill health and maltreatment. For years, she had wondered what would have happened had she only left a note…

It had been eight years since she had thrown herself in impetuous desperation at the beautiful redheaded man with a cross shaped scar on his cheek. That made it eleven arduous years of submitting to the sadistic demands of Takeda Kanryuu and making the opium that often proved fatal to the unwary user. She no longer cared about anything, only waited for death to claim her. She had long since despaired of going to meet it.

The tattered husk which was all that was left of the woman known as Takani Megumi sighed and pushed back her brittle grey hair. Eight years of wondering what might have happened if she'd returned to the Kamiya dojo with that close-knit group instead of giving in to the pressure Kanryuu had put on her.

She little doubted that Himurasan had married that young one, Kamiya Keiko was it? No. Kaoru. And the tall one, with the attitude, was probably either dead or married as well. Even the youngest one, so full of spirit, was probably calmer and maybe he too had found someone to marry. Her mind was so disconnected these days; even the happiest of memories rarely emerged from the haze anymore.

She wondered what would have happened if she'd left a note when she'd run away, thinking to protect those she feared she might learn to care for. It seemed everyone she loved suffered and died. Maybe she might have won Kenshin's heart, or even the tall one whose friend had died because of her. What had his name been? Sanosuke, that was it. Or she might have met someone else entirely.

But she had run, and she hadn't left a note, and long since stopped pretending that she could try again. Kanryuu had kept the reins very tight indeed after that last attempt. There would be no more chance of an escape. He'd guaranteed it by breaking her legs over and over again until, mending improperly, they would no longer bear even her slight weight very well or for very long. She had long since stopped feeling the new pains he would inflict on her, and her mind accepted the constant ache in her legs as normal.

She took a breath and went back to mixing the opium that had been the reason for Kanryuu's keeping her alive and in his service. _Chursh. Chursh. Chursh._ Once, she'd had spirit, intelligence, humor. Once, she'd been a beautiful woman with a future. Now she was no more than a broken shell with few shabby dreams. Everything had its price.

She'd intended to kill him. He'd beaten her, drugged her with her own product, and blindfolded her. She didn't know where they were taking her and under the influence of opium, did not care. The hurried desperation of the flight from the mansion did not touch her, in a forced opium haze. She hated it, but allowed her tormentor to think she enjoyed it. That would have two benefits, she figured: it would prevent him from dosing her again, and if her production dropped off, well, it was his own fault for getting her hooked, wasn't it? She did not doubt she could fake an opium haze. That, too, she was careful not to do too often, for it would bring its own punishments.

_Chursh. Chursh. Chursh._Mixing the drug had taken on a mechanical quality, allowing the woman's mind to drift. Early on, that had been her only salvation and the only link to sanity. In her mind, she had created a wonderful story about the man Himura Kenshin and his friends, running around together, helping people, and spending time rather like a family. In her mind, she was one of them. Not a central figure, of course, but definitely there in that world where fights could be won by the "good guys" and she could walk like any other woman.

She shifted her seat, wincing as the tired muscles in her legs cried out. She'd been hurting more lately with less apparent reason. Even Takeda Kanryuu at last seemed to be tiring of her and would probably soon find a new girl. Perhaps he had already started looking. Perhaps he would even kill her once she'd taught the new girl to make his opium.

It didn't matter to him that he was smuggling weapons in and selling them on the black market, raking in enough money to take the edge even off his vast greed. He would still have the opium made, still sell it to anyone who would buy. She was reasonably sure he had begun to partake of it himself periodically. She used to think that she might one day make a "bad" batch deliberately, but there was no way to guarantee that he would take it, and then others would certainly die, perhaps even innocent people. She never doubted that what she did was murder, but to take action that would deliberately bring harm to innocents... Then, somehow, somewhen, she'd stopped caring about killing him. She'd stopped caring about surviving, but had given up on having any other choice.

The screams of a young woman brought her out of her reverie, and then Kanryuu's sneering voice telling the girl it would be all right, as he had done to the older woman so many years ago.

It seemed Takeda Kanryuu had found a replacement.

She tuned out the sounds of sobs and the man's whiny, nasal voice, mockingly reassuring.

Perhaps the end had finally come. Old wounds that had never healed flashed awake with pain as she moved again. Pushing a grey lock back, she almost smiled to herself. With any luck, the girl had a warrior to leap to her rescue before it was too late for her. It was far, far too late for the "opium woman".

_Chursh. Chursh. Chursh. _It was almost time to press and pack this last load of the drug. She sighed again, wondering how much longer she had to wait. She would tell this new girl to run as soon, as fast, and as far as she could, and not to run away from those who would protect her. If nothing else, maybe she herself would be granted the blessing of death.

Silence had fallen save for the slight rustling of her own movements.

As she finished binding the last bit of powder into its tiny packet, she realized she'd been hearing the sounds of battle for several moments. For the first time in many years, the woman felt curiosity. It seemed almost too soon for someone to have come for the girl.

Slowly she dragged herself to the door of the third floor tower room, pulling herself up slowly along the wall, gasping for breath and waiting until the pain eased. She listened to the seeming silence that had fallen once again, forever perhaps? She had to know.

The door creaked open slowly, and she tottered painfully to the head of the stairs. There it was again, the sound of fighting.

Takeda's lack of honor had long since cost him the service of Shinomori Aoshi and the Oniwabanshuu, and he had never found guards that had quite filled the shoes of those who had become heroes in their own right. Those five men had eventually turned to fight those who, like Kanryuu, had no values but greed. They were gunned down, all of them, with weapons Takeda Kanryuu himself had provided. There were rumors that Kanryuu had even had it done himself.

She had almost cried when she'd heard. Though none of them had been particularly kind to her, neither were they cruel.

She fell, calling out involuntarily as her maltreated legs gave out on the stairs. She crumpled down painfully to the next landing. The main room was almost in her range of sight now. She heard the shots of a gun, followed by Kanryuu's psychotic laughter.

Dragging herself along the floor to the stairs, she heard a shout, a battle cry that struck a faint chord of memory. The voice was deeper than the one she remembered.

"Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu, Doryuusen!" A memory fluttered but vanished before it could become clear.

She heard the thud of a body, dead or at the least unconscious, hitting the floor just as she pulled herself into sight.

Standing over the smuggler's unmoving form was a slim young man, glaring down at the writhing figure. In his hand was a sword, glinting in the faint light from the doorway. She watched as he slid what she recognized, from the reflection, as a sakabatou into its sheath at his hip as he looked up and saw her.

She couldn't shake the feeling that she knew him. He reminded her a little of her memories of Kenshin, though he was obviously younger, and that untidy hair was black, spiky, and short. Also, he had no scar.

"You've been hurt," said that strangely familiar figure. He started towards her slowly as she shook her head.

She made a dismissive gesture. "Old wounds." Was that her voice? So many years of near total silence had reduced it to scarcely more than a whisper. "You look familiar, almost, but..." She lay still, unable to continue.

A young girl had come to the door with an older man behind her, and the woman looked up. The girl had soft brown hair, cut short, and wide eyes that made her look even younger. That must have been her intended replacement. The other man she could not see, silhouetted in the door.

The young man reached a hand out to her as the older one stepped into the room. She saw now he had red hair. Was that, there on his face...?

The young man knelt to her. "My name is Myoujin Yahiko. We're going to get you out of here."


	2. Chapter 2

She looked up at him, and then back to the lean man near the door as the girl ran to Yahiko.

"You… Is it really you?" The croaking whisper held a note of some strange emotion as a memory came back to the shattered woman.

_Red hair fell long and thick in a ponytail down the back of the apparently young man she spotted as she looked around the room and threw herself, quite literally, at his mercy. A plea for help, followed by thugs to prove her point, and suddenly the sweet-looking guy became a hardened warrior.  
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The look on his face was much as it had been then.

"This one is Himura Kenshin." He looked at her as though unsure to believe what his eyes were telling him.

"Yes." Her eyes went to Myoujin Yahiko and Tsubame, who were watching the older two with evident curiosity. Himurasan looked at her. "It really is you…"

"Oro?" Yes, she remembered that. He had said it a lot, even in the all too brief time she'd known him. Some things never changed.

"I was... Takani Megumi." How strange it was to say it now, after so many years.

"Oro?" Himurasan was stunned, but after the initial shock wore off, Yahiko was angry.

"Why did you leave like that! How could you do that! We thought you –"

"Yahiko, wait." Himurasan had been quick to recover. "Megumidono, why do you say 'was'? Is that no longer your name?

It took her a moment to answer. No one, before or since, had called her Megumidono. It was a name that had quickly come to mean a lot. She had not thought to hear it again.

"I am no one now." It was very hard to accept that her slavery was at an end. Her eyes drifted to Takeda Kanryuu's unmoving form. She wondered if he was dead.

Those violet eyes studied her a moment, studied the scene. "Yahiko, take Tsubamedono home and direct the police here. This one will help Megumidono. It doesn't look like Kanryuu's going anywhere anytime soon." Himura Kenshin walked over to her as the younger man nodded agreement. "Can you get up?"

The moment of truth. She gathered her strength, leaned up against the wall, and pulled herself up. The young couple had already left when she raised her head at last. "Yes. I can." She did not say that she did not think she could stand on her own.

Kenshin took one look at her and offered her his arm. "Do you have anything you want to take with you?"

She shook her head. She wanted nothing of this place. It was almost too much to think about; realizing that at last she was free was itself too much for her. She sunk into darkness that was only partly sleep. Her last hazy awareness was of the strong arms that caught her as she fell.

The place she woke up in was familiar. The faces around her were familiar. So many memories rushed in, mostly of dreams and fantasies, but she knew that this, at last, was REAL.

The older man leaning over her she'd only seen once, briefly, but she knew who he was.

Oguni Genzaisensei looked at her comfortingly. She'd been here before, in another life, another time, another reason, but there had been these people with her in this place.

"You've been through a lot, young lady." The doctor's eyes were kind. "Just rest for now, and when you're feeling better you can tell us what happened. I want you to drink this. It won't taste very good but I'm sure you know that means it's good for you." He helped her to sit up and gave her small sips of the bitter brew. "It won't cure everything but it should help the pain. I don't think I can fix your legs but I can at least try to make it less agonizing."

"A lot can change in eight years," said another familiar voice. Dark hair bound back by a broad blue ribbon fell around the gently smiling face of the owner of the dojo. Kaoru, this had to be Kaoru. She was pregnant? What an odd idea. Kaoru smiled. "We're glad to see you're all right, Megumisan. I'm sure you remember my husband, as well," she said, having seen where the older woman's gaze had fallen.

Sagara Sanosuke leaned over Kaoru. "Jouchan, leave her to rest. You heard Genzaisensei. She doesn't need you bugging her. Besides, I think it's time for your massage."

Megumi blinked. Sanosuke? She changed her mind; this had to be a dream: she was back in the tower room, sick again, maybe Kanryuu had beaten her again and left her to die this time. Maybe she was already dying and would no longer be hallucinating like this. Or maybe she'd been given some of the drug after all and was now under its influence? As memories floated nearer the surface, it struck her that the very idea of Sagara Sanosuke marrying Kamiya Kaoru was too strange. Sagara Kaoru sounded almost as strange as Oguni Megumi might. It just did not seem natural.

Kaoru read her expression. "Well, we wouldn't have thought it either. But it just goes to show, you never can tell." She smiled youthfully and stood up slowly with her husband's help. "I love this baby," she said, looking down at the older woman again. "But I sure will be glad when this is over!"

Now only the doctor's face loomed over her again. "If I had known in advance, I would have told them to take it easier on you. This all must be quite a shock to you." He smiled again blandly, and Megumi heard footsteps that came to a halt near her feet, saw the doctor nodding with a sharp look at her newest visitor.

Himura Kenshin came into her line of sight, kneeling next to the doctor, who rose carefully and stepped away.

"Megumidono." He looked at her for a long moment, his eyes unfathomable to her. "There is much to talk about, but much of that can wait. For now... This one would like to know what happened. Please try to understand why Yahiko is so angry. When we met you, he was only ten. We did not know if you had left or been taken."

"I… was afraid. I left because_ he_ threatened the dojo. If I'd only left a note…" She closed her eyes for a moment. "Forgive me."

Kenshin shook his head. "Once we realized you had not simply gone shopping without telling us, we went to Kanryuu's mansion, but no one was there, and searching only turned up a note. Clearly, the letter was false, but then... It seemed that there was nothing to be done. The letter said that you were dead. There was no indication of where Kanryuu might have gone, and word was not heard of him again until recently." He looked over his shoulder as Genzai cleared his throat and nodded once. "Rest now. When you're better, more can be discussed."

Suddenly he smiled again, looking easily as young as her memories. Only his eyes were old. For a moment, Megumi wished she looked her age, that he might yet find her attractive, but she knew it was a foolish thought for so many reasons.

He fixed the blankets around her, stepped away and left the room. She stared up at the ceiling for a long time until sleep claimed her.

When she awoke, the room was bright with daylight and someone was sitting next to her. The sakabatou that rested in his lap showed signs of use, and his spiky black hair shadowed his eyes.

"Myoujinsan..."

"So you're awake. Kenshin told me what must have happened. But I had to hear it from you."

"What did he say?"

Yahiko was silent for a moment. "You didn't want to drag us into what you thought was your problem. You'd thought about it and felt bad, you didn't want to hurt us because you were starting to care about us." He paused again. "That's not how he said it word for word, but the gist of it's there. But we went to Kanryuu's place and found that letter..." His voice trailed off.

The woman closed her eyes. "Yes. That's what I felt, what I thought. I couldn't stay and let you all be hurt, or worse. I didn't know you would come looking for me." She knew it sounded forced, even though she meant it. Every breath was an effort, every word a chore.

He nodded and rose. "Kenshin took it hard. He went off wandering again for five more years. It stayed with all of us. But… Maybe now that we know you're alive, he can finally begin to heal too." Megumi sighed and closed her eyes. Everything was hurting her. She was unused to warm blankets and comfortable bedding. She was asleep again and did not know when Yahiko left, or how much time had passed when Kaoru came into the room.

"Good morning, Megumisan!" Megumi found it amazing how the girl could be so cheerful in the morning, in her condition. She opened her eyes and attempted a smile. She was surprised when it worked.

Kaoru sat awkwardly next to her, a bowl in one hand and a spoon in the other. "Want to help me practice?" She smiled and propped the older woman up with a pillow that had apparently been lying in reach but out of sight. "Genzaisensei says this will help the pain more, and it doesn't taste as bad. Kenshin made breakfast this morning, I've gotten better as a cook but he insisted." She held the spoon out for Megumi, who sipped the broth slowly. She was right, it was good. "You know, I think he feels especially responsible for what happened to you," the younger woman continued. "He was so angry when you left. And then when they went to the mansion, and no one was there but a note that you were... Well. He was so distant, for days, and every time we tried to cheer him up... Nothing got through. Even though he still did things around the house and dojo, it was so… It was like he was just going through the motions. I don't think he ever really forgave himself for failing you though. Maybe none of us did. About a month after that, there was... an incident. He went to take care of it and did not come back for another five years." She looked inexpressibly sad for a moment.

"You didn't fail me. I failed you. And," she said with a sudden surge of her old pride, "I can feed myself."

Kaoru looked at her and shook it off. "Don't talk. Eat. You're helping me practice, remember?" She coaxed another spoonful into a bemused Megumi as though the older woman were an infant. "You have to get better so you can knock some sense into him. The rest of us haven't succeeded yet." She paused. "I bet you think it's weird that Sano and I got married too, don't you. I was so jealous of you and Kenshin right off that I wanted to kill you at first, and I ended up beating up on him." She smiled at the memory, looking at the slight form before her.

"I remember."

"Good, now keep eating. When he left, I was terrified of being alone again. As fond as I became of Yahiko, he was still just a kid, you know? And there was Sano, who was everything I thought I abhorred in a man, you know? So lazy and arrogant and irresponsible. But he wasn't, not really, and we were always close. Kenshin never really seemed to be interested in anyone even after he came back. Seems every woman he meets tends to send him into a panic.

"Oh no, I'm sorry, I'm babbling, I shouldn't be talking about this! I talk too much," Kaoru said as she dropped the spoon into the now empty bowl.

"Yes, you do, jouchan." Sanosuke had come into the room and was looking at his wife with a mixture of exasperated amusement and reproach.

Megumi looked at each of them.

"Please forgive my wife for her thoughtless behavior." A teasing light now came into his eyes. "She can't help herself, being a woman. I'm sure you know how it is."

"If I could get up, Sagara Sanosuke..." Kaoru's eyes sparkled with humor despite her threatening tone.

"You'd what?"

"I'd show you!"

"I bet you would!" Sanosuke was grinning as he helped his wife to stand. He looked down at the other woman. "You should be resting, not listening to my wife's babbling. I'll see if one of the girls wants to read to you or something."

She smiled. It sounded nice. "I would like that. Thank you."

Kaoru stepped outside, and Sanosuke hesitated. "I don't know if you'll remember this, but I have to say something to you." He looked down, suddenly nineteen and awkward again. "I thought you were responsible for my friend's death. I'm the one who hung back. I was the reason we weren't there in time. If Kenshin hadn't had to talk me into going, we might've gotten there before Kanryuu cleared out. "

"No. I was responsible. You weren't wrong." Megumi tried to sit up, but Sanosuke was at her side with a hand on her shoulder. "He died because of the drugs I made. And I... I was afraid."

"I know. I forgave you long ago. It's me I can't forgive. This happened to you because of me." He seemed much older suddenly, older even than she herself looked for a moment. "I plan to make it up to you."

"There's nothing to make up. I should have handled things differently. But it doesn't matter... It's all past, now. Look to the future, Sanosukesan." She smiled tiredly. "Yours will be a bright one, if you can accept the past as past."

He grunted thoughtfully. "You'd think I'd've learned that by now," he said, grinning. "You get some rest."

She smiled as she faded off to sleep again.


	3. Chapter 3

She awoke again to a wet cloth on her face. Suzume's touch was as gentle as her voice. "Ayame, go tell Grandfather that Megumisan's awake again. Oh, and ask Kenshin if he's finished making dinner, would you?"

"All right," said a voice outside of their patient's line of sight. Footsteps, padding away, were a prelude to the announcement at the door, which in turn was followed by the question, "Ken-nii, is dinner ready yet? Megumisan should eat something before she goes back to sleep again."

"Hai, I'm coming," and the sounds that followed of food being served in the kitchen, of people coming inside, filled the recuperating woman with a pang.

"Sano, could you get something for Megumisan to sit on? I'm sure she'd like to eat with us properly. If she's up to it, that is." Kaoru's voice trailed off.

"I'd say that's up to her now. Megumikun? Would you care to join us?" The doctor's voice was cheerful.

She struggled to sit up, almost stiff from the rest she'd had, and felt strong hands at her shoulder and waist.

"Let me help you up," Sano offered, smiling kindly at her. She leaned on him and stood, though it seemed to her he was holding her up more than she herself.

"Yahiko won't be joining us tonight. He'll be eating with Tsubamedono again and said not to wait for him." Kenshin served up a simple fare. Though there was plenty to go around and money was no longer the problem it had been, he knew that simplicity was important for Megumi. After what she'd no doubt been living on, something rich would make her ill. Besides, bland food was good for everyone from time to time.

"I wish he'd stay home more often." Suzume's eyes were fastened on her plate.

"Oh, please, if he was here you'd be complaining that he eats too much and doesn't do his fair share around the house!" Ayame's laugh rang out, causing her elder sister to blush even deeper.

"I think it's nice that he and Tsubame get along so well." Kaoru's amusement was obvious as her hand absentmindedly stroked her abdomen. "Though I wish they would just admit their feelings already. He's even slower than you were, Sano!"

Megumi smiled as the others laughed. Such a beautiful family. She regretted she had ever left them now, but it was too late to change that, and regrets were so useless. It was enough to be here now.

When the laughter had faded somewhat, Kenshin added philosophically, "It's better that they take it slow and be happy then rush into something and end up miserable."

"Or end up a spinster like you, eh Kenshin?" Sano's smirk had its old arrogance, and the glimmer in his eyes was contagious.

"Better an old spinster than a whipping-boy!" Kaoru's eyes sparkled with amusement as her husband's jaw dropped.

"Megumi, you've barely touched your food. Are you all right, or would you rather not eat?" Genzaisensei's eyes were fixed on her shrewdly as he ate with undiminished gusto.

"Hai, I'm all right. It's just that this is going to take some getting used to. It's so lovely here, I... I'm afraid of it ending."

"You have a long time before that can happen, Megumidono. This time you're not getting away as easily." There was humor in Kenshin's tone but something in his eyes told her he was deadly serious.

There was silence then, broken only by the comforting sounds of eating, until before long even the scraps were gone. As the group rose from the table, the doctor mentioned he should be headed home.

"Girls, I think we can leave our patient to these misfits for a night, don't you? We can always punish them if they don't take proper care of her." He grinned and turned to Megumi. "What do you say; do you feel safe with these characters?"

She smiled and nodded and he continued, "Good. I've left some of the painkiller here, if you'll take some before you go to bed. Ask one of them to help you prepare it, or if you need anything else."

She nodded again and tried to rise, shakily. Again, there was an arm at her elbow and one around her waist. She looked at Kenshin and smiled gratefully.

"The table can wait. You need attention more than it does."

"I've got the table, Kenshin. You entertain our guest."

"Sano? You? Clear a table?" Kaoru slapped a hand to her chest in feigned shock, laughing again.

"I'll have you know, I've gotten as good at this as you have at cooking, thank you! Watch me carry this plate back to the kitchen without breaking it!" He sounded indignant but his eyes belied his ire.

Kenshin steered Megumi in the direction of her bed. "No, wait."

"Oro?"

"I'd like to sit outside, just for a few minutes. If you don't mind, that is. I want to watch the sunset."

"Of course!" Kenshin smiled and turned around but she stayed his hand when he made as though to carry her. "Please. You shouldn't push yourself."

"Let me, please? I'm such a burden on you. You don't have to blame yourself." She gasped as she realized what she'd said, what she'd let slip.

Kenshin looked at her sharply and sighed. "You're not a burden, Megumidono." He paused a moment, studying her. "Kaorudono told you?" At her nod, he sighed. "This one never did stop thinking there was something more that should have been done."

"Sanosuke told me. He says he blames himself now, because of this."

"There is not one person in this house who does not.."

"Kensan, please. Listen to me a moment." She sank down on the porch, feeling far more than her thirty years. Strange how easily her old name for him came to her lips... Looking up at the sky, she took a deep breath. "When I first met you, you were trying to atone for a past where you were a killer." Speaking was so tiring... "And you blamed yourself for doing what had to be done. You made a difference, Kensan." ~Breathe.~ She looked at him. "You can no more blame yourself for this, for me, than you can for the sun's setting every day."

She looked out on that very phenomenon as she fell silent. He sat down next to her, so she might lean on his shoulder if she chose. They sat there for several moments, watching the sun sink towards the horizon.

"You're right. Not everyone can be helped all the time. But those that can be helped, those lives that can be made better, those that can be protected, that is this one's purpose."

"Kensan... Just watch the sunset with me?"

It was a miracle that no one interrupted.

When the last glory was fading from the clouds, Megumi sighed. "It was beautiful, wasn't it." Kenshin nodded. Megumi's expression turned inwards. "I was, too. But beauty fades. Nothing stays beautiful, Kensan. It can change, but it won't stay the same, and it never lasts long."

"You still are."

She smiled sadly. "Kensan, it's a wonderful thing for you to say, but I want you to look at me. Look at me as I am, and not as I was."

The man sighed and looked at the woman.

_She's six years younger, but she looks older than me, _he thought. Grey hair, dry skin drawn tight that had lost its vibrancy and color, exchanging them for hollowed eyes and scars; wrinkles did nothing to hide the suffering. Sagging breasts under a shapeless Western dress, hands calloused and shaking, and the misshapen legs did not boost her faded looks.

"No, you are not what you were, but you have beauty." Kenshin reached forward and brushed her hair from her face. "You survived all that, and stayed whole. That alone makes you beautiful."

"Kensan." She rested her hand on his shoulder and closed her eyes. "I think I should let you feel guilty if it makes you say such beautiful things." She tried to laugh, yawned, tried to stifle it and failed. Kenshin smiled.

"And this one thinks you should get your rest." This time, she did not protest when he carried her. In spite of Genzaisensei's medicine, the pain was not getting better. She knew the chance that it would was very slim. Kanryuu's tortures were not the only reason she had expected, even hoped, for death to claim her at last.

He set her down gently on the futon, arranging the blankets carefully around her. She smiled at him as her eyes drifted shut.

Although she'd slept most of the day, sleep came easily to her. She knew why she felt so tired and sick, but was not ready to share the truth with her friends. Only the doctor knew, and he hadn't broached the subject with her. Soon it would have to be discussed, because she didn't want to die here with these people she was learning again to love. It would be too cruel to them.

She woke again to the sounds of morning activity. Kaoru was puttering around the kitchen while Kenshin and Yahiko were practicing outside. Sano was out - Megumi was to tease him over lunch that he'd been out shopping, a chore he'd always loathed.

It had only been a few days since she had been borne away from the nightmare life of being Takeda Kanryuu 's opium slave. Eight years of agony seemed distant after only a few days of friendship and caring. It might not be a cure, but love had always been a great painkiller, especially the gentle, undemanding love of friendship.

She wished things had been different.


	4. Chapter 4

She stopped herself before her thoughts got too nauseating. It was well and good that she was no longer under the dominion of a sadist; it was another thing entirely to get caught up in sappy sentiments when she had to prioritize to make the most of what time she had left.

She couldn't stay here much longer. Not unless she wanted to waste away slowly, suffering not only her own pain but that of her friends as well. She knew well how hard it was to watch the ones you loved die. She remembered the time that Kanryuu had allowed her to have a bird. She'd loved it as best she could, but he had kept it in its cage and had not given her the key. He'd fed it poorly and cleaned its cage out rarely. The thing had died miserably and he'd forced her to watch, taunting her daily that she was his own little bird, living only because he allowed her.

Again she shook her head, chasing the painful memory away. The doctor and his granddaughters had come for breakfast again, and she was determined to show that she wasn't through yet. She rose slowly and staggered to the door, leaning on the door frame to catch her breath.

"Megumisan, you shouldn't be pushing yourself so hard! Let me get one of the boys to help you at least!" Kaoru's expression was already developing into something maternal.

"No, thank you, Kaorusan. I'm going to do this on my own. I can't be dependent on you all the time." The sick woman's eyes still shone with determined pride as she looked at the mother-to-be.

Pride was something Kaoru understood, though she felt it was foolish to push one's limits. She knew better than to argue but insisted upon staying in sight, if not in reach of the other woman in order to assist.

Breakfast was relatively quiet that morning. Yahiko had gone to Taesan's restaurant, ostensibly to help Tsubame out. The good news was he did get paid for it, though the job wasn't his main reason for going. The whole neighborhood was certain that he and the young woman were on their way to a wedding. It was only a matter of time, people nodded to one another. The tall young man with spiky black hair and a passionate nature was often seen reveling in the company of the quiet, large-eyed girl who kept her own brown hair neat and her temper in check. They complemented each other as two halves of a greater whole, and though he endured much teasing at the dojo, Yahiko knew the others were happy for and supportive of him.

He didn't know about the young Oguni woman's crush on him, though Suzume knew she'd never had a chance. At breakfast, she insisted it was nothing more than a crush to her laughing sister. Megumi felt concern for the girl but Sanosuke's eyes reassured her that the debate was no different from most other mornings.

As they finished eating, the old doctor looked at Megumi shrewdly. "I'd like to give you an examination today, if I may, to see how you're progressing." The woman knew that the formality was for the sake of the others. He knew as well as she did what was happening. "Of course, it would be much easier if you were at the clinic, but I'm not going to ask you to walk that distance."

"If Sano had waited to do the shopping, I would have made him carry her for you!" Kaoru smiled at them, to show she meant it but she wouldn't push the issue.

"This one will do it," Kenshin volunteered. "There is very little to do today, with Yahiko working at the restaurant. Besides, Sano should be back soon , so Kaorudono won't be alone for long."

"Much to my regret," she muttered with a smile to soften the words.

Megumi smiled at him. "Seriously, I'm sure it wouldn't be too much trouble to get a rickshaw. If you don't mind that is. I'll help pay if that's a problem," she added, forgetting for a moment that she had nothing of her own, and little chance to earn; shadows of her old pride were gaining definition among those who cared for her.

"No," the rurouni said. "It'll give Kaorudono a chance to rest as well. Unless you'd like to come along," he said, turning to the pregnant woman.

"No, I'll be glad of the chance to get all you noisemakers out of here for a while. Besides, when Sano comes back it will give us some quiet time, and with the baby coming I suppose we should enjoy that while we can." Kaoru smiled indulgently.

"You all smile so much, don't you ever get tired of it?" Megumi grumped, but even she couldn't keep from laughing for long. She missed the troubled glances that the others sent Kenshin's way.

Shortly afterward, the dishes were cleared away. Genzaisensei motioned to Kenshin. "I know Megumisan is not going to let you carry her all the way, but when she gets tired, she won't argue. Just let her walk. She might choose to lean on you. I'd offer to do it myself, but she'd only take it as a challenge to prove herself to herself." The older man's eyes twinkled with the patience of an experienced doctor. Kenshin nodded, pushing his still long hair back off his shoulders.

He remembered the other as being taller than him, if only a little. The woman he looked at now was stooped and slight, bent by illness and ill treatment. Despite her appearance, he knew she was still six years his junior. She still had the remnants of her beauty - he had not lied when he'd told her she was still beautiful.

It had been so many years since he'd allowed himself to care even so much.

The first woman he had ever loved was dead, nearly 18 years now. It had taken him most of that time to understand her death, to understand the place she had had in his life, and that her role had been fulfilled. Now, looking at Takani Megumi, he saw not a sick, dying hag who should be too young to be so hard-used, but a strong and beautiful woman who had thus far beaten the odds, managing to avoid death for thirteen years though it hounded at her door.

Only one thing about her disturbed him deeply: she would die so soon. His instincts told him what his heart did not want to hear. He could not let himself become attached, not when he knew they would lose her. Not now.

But, her quiet strength of spirit tore at him, the way she bore her constant pain in silence and smiled though it cost her would not leave his mind at peace. The way she stubbornly pushed herself to the limits for even the smallest tasks without a complaint both impressed and frightened him. It could not do her any good to be so stubborn, and yet it was a quality he had always admired in his friend Sanosuke. How could he ask her to do less and risk her pride?

Words came to his mind, from eight years before. _"Kensan is the hero who saved my life." _He had panicked when she hugged him, and Kaoru had taken her wrath and jealousy out on him, as usual. He smiled to himself, nostalgia blending with bitterness as he remembered how she had left not long after. ~Ten days she stayed with us then... How can ten short days have left such an impact?~

He understood, now, but that didn't make it easier to cope. The entire situation was getting out of hand. He remembered how it had been... He had never forgiven himself, and when the call to arms had come, the battle against Shishio had begun, he had left Tokyo with only a note of thanks and a few coins...

Just then she stumbled; they were almost halfway to the clinic. She had not said a word, but her face was white and her lip bled slightly where she had bitten it.

Kenshin fought the urge to bite his own lip. While he'd been pondering his own feelings, telling himself he was respecting her pride, Megumi had been struggling simply to walk without complaint, clearly terrified of the repercussions. He'd barely even noticed her slight weight on his arm until she'd nearly collapsed.

Her eyes were closed. She looked ashamed and frightened.

"It's all right, Megumidono," he said, picking her up with ease. The old doctor watched in silence, his granddaughters exchanging a worried glance.

Megumi opened her eyes as he swung her into his arms, seeming surprised that he was there, that she was not going to be beaten for her failure.

It had been too long sine she'd been treated well. The two men shared a glance as Megumi relaxed into Kenshin's arms and rested her head on his chest.

After a moment, her eyes drifted shut once more. The rurouni kept his eyes on the road as the group walked in silence, glancing down at Megumi when she spoke.

"I used to dream you would carry me away from there, like this. You, or maybe Sanosukesan. That one of you would sweep me off my feet and rescue me, even after I ran out on you. I guess it was a little silly of me," Megumi sighed. "But it helped. I used to wonder what your friends - what did Myoujinsan call you? The Kenshingumi." Kenshin winced slightly. He never had gotten used to hearing that particular name. "What the Kenshingumi were up to, what valiant things you'd be doing. It was something that helped me keep my mind busy when Kanryuu would - would do what he did." She slid her arms up around Kenshin's neck as she fell silent. He felt her trembling and pressed his lips to the top of her head, much as he had done years ago to the two young women following, when they were little and frightened by bad dreams.

The older one held open the door to a building Megumi recognized as the clinic. Kenshin set her down on one of the beds, very carefully. She opened her eyes part way and let go of his neck with a smile.

"You're a true hero, Kensan." Her eyes drifted shut again and Genzaisensei looked at her, then at Kenshin. The younger man's face was unreadable.

"I do believe you've put her to sleep. She needs that more than anything right now." The old man grinned. "If I had known you had that effect, I would have brought you to work for me years ago!"

Suzume and Ayame giggled quietly at Kenshin's indignation. His own eyes, however, reflected the amusement in the doctor's, mingled with relief. They slipped outside to the apartment attached to the clinic. Ayame glanced at the sleeping woman as she closed the door behind her.

Later, Megumi woke to silence in a comfortable bed. Warm blankets were stretched over her and she felt better than she had - relatively speaking - since she'd first left Kanryuu's manor. She sat up slowly and looked around. Her bed was beneath a window over which a curtain had been drawn. She pulled it back and saw it was only around lunchtime.

She started to get up when Ayame walked in and saw her.

"Oh, good, you're awake! I'll go get Grandfather. Don't get up." The teenager smiled and left the room.

Megumi leaned back, feeling as though she had slept a week. Yet, judging by the sun it had been only a couple of hours at most.

Ayame came in following her grandfather. She smiled again at the woman on the bed.

"Ken-nii and Suzume are playing chess. Well, actually, Ken-nii is trying but Suzume's beating him to pieces!"

Genzaisensei smiled at his granddaughter, then at his patient. "Well, Megumisan, let's have a look at you."

With his grandchild's assistance, the doctor gave Megumi a thorough examination. Ayame herself was proving to have a knack for the medical profession. When they had completed their checkup, he chased the girl out with a sad but affectionate smile.

"I want to talk to Megumisan. Go see if you can still save Kenshinsan." Ayame nodded, smiled nervously, and left the room. "She wants to know everything about the profession but I don't think she's ready to sit in on this discussion." He did not seem inclined to elucidate, and Megumi didn't pry. "You've had some training. I'm not going to play games with you."

"I know there's no cure, Genzaisensei. I don't have much time. I've known that for a while. I did have a fair bit of training." She smiled wanly.

He nodded. "You saved Yahikokun's life. I think that's part of why he had such a hard time understanding why you left. He always regretted not having the opportunity to thank you properly. My guess is, that's one of the reasons he chose to study both Kamiya Kasshin Ryu and what he'd observed of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu. He taught himself some of the techniques just from watching Kenshinsan, a few times."

Megumi nodded. "Kaorusan mentioned something about that. She says he's managed to blend the two rather nicely."

The other man echoed her action. "Megumisan, we can talk about Yahikokun, but we should discuss your own condition first. It's important that you take care of yourself, and I know you know what's happening to you, but when are you going to tell the others? It won't be long before they notice you aren't getting better."

"Sometimes I think they already know." Megumi sighed "None of them are fools, and they're all trained to recognize an opponent's weakness. I don't doubt they've already spotted mine." She looked down at her legs, scarcely more than slight twigs of twisted bone covered by battered skin under the thick blanket.

"You're not the enemy."

"But my weakness is evident. Genzaisensei, I'll tell them, but only if you're there. Only.. I think I'll need a few days to plan it. I can't just say, 'Oh, by the way, I'm dying. Can I help with the dishes?' It's not... I have to think about it."

She looked up as she thought she saw a flash of color at the corner of her eye, but there was no one at the door.

The old doctor nodded. "That I understand. Would you rather stay here, or go back to the dojo for now? Here it would be easier for me to help you, even though you'll probably be happier at the dojo, surrounded by friends. I can always send Ayame or Suzume to watch you- err, help you out." He looked embarrassed at his slip, though his eyes twinkled with humor. "Though I fear if I send Suzumechan, she'll be too busy watching Yahikokun instead!"

He laughed, and his patient joined in.

Finally Megumi made as though to get up, and the doctor offered her his arm. She rested her own on it, pretending it was more for courtesy than aid, and they walked out to the sitting room where Kenshin and the sisters sat.


	5. Chapter 5

Kenshin rose as they walked in. "Suzumedono's gotten very good at chess," he said as he smiled at the girl. "She's giving this one quite a hard time."

"Hard time nothing! My sister beat you twice already!" Ayame grinned at her elder sister, who was giggling shyly though not hiding her pride at all. "Kennii," Ayame continued, "I'm so ashamed of you, beaten by a girl!" She struck a dramatic pose, to which her sister's response was definitive.

"Ayame, come on. You're_ supposed _to be on my side!" She rolled her eyes, and everyone laughed.

They passed the next several minutes in light banter. No one said anything about the consultation; Megumi would discuss whatever had occurred if and when she was ready. Kenshin couldn't help but to notice the resignation Megumi hid poorly. He'd known the news wasn't going to be pleasant, but the strain of illness wore her down, and what facade she wore did little to hide the surrender in her eyes.

"Why don't we take Megumidono shopping?" Kenshin looked at the Oguni family. "She can get some air, see the town, maybe get some new outfits. Celebrate her freedom."

"Oh, that would be nice," Megumi said distractedly. She'd never been much of one for shopping. "Except I don't really see the point." She did regret having nothing of her own, and she felt borrowing Kaoru's clothing was an imposition, but there had been little choice; Kanryuu had kept her in rags for the last few years.

"That is a wonderful idea, Kennii, and the money is not an issue." Suzume smiled at the rurouni before she turned to the doctor. "Right, Grandpa." From her tone and expression, it was obviously not a question.

The older man had to laugh at his granddaughter's obstinacy. "Consider it a present, Megumisan. Several delayed presents, if you will. Something tells me, had life taken a different path, we would have been colleagues and friends." He smiled, only a little ruefully. There was no doubt in his mind that this path was not what fate had originally decreed for Megumi, but perhaps, in another life, she would be rewarded for her suffering now. He hoped so; she had suffered far too much for one with so much promise.

"Oh, but I couldn't!" Megumi looked down.

"But you will anyway," Suzume said quietly, a smile playing around her delicate features. She had become a beautiful young woman, growing up well from the cute child she'd been, though she'd grown quieter and more serious. That was not to say she did not have a sense of humor; though she was acutely aware of the way people interacted, she was able to jest with the best. She simply chose not to do so very often.

Megumi blinked. "But -"

"No buts about it, Megumidono. Not another word of protest." Kenshin smiled and offered her his arm. "Shall we go now?"

"The sooner the better! Come on, Suzume, let's take Megumisan to town!" Ayame jumped up and grabbed her sister's hand, pulling her along to the doorway.

"Hey! No need to pull my arm out!" The elder sister scolded laughingly as she was dragged while Kenshin took Megumi's arm and escorted her more slowly.

"Shall I carry you?" he offered quietly.

Megumi looked hesitant, but admitted to herself she did not have the strength to walk much more. Even just shopping would be a drag on her energy reserves. "I think that might be best."

Kenshin blinked. "Hey, you don't have to look so happy about it." He smiled warmly at her and it was her turn to respond with surprise. Kenshin at thirty-six seemed much more relaxed than she remembered from eight years earlier. He seemed to have developed his sense of humor. It was odd, considering what she'd learned. Oguni Genzai, however, had had the same thought – but it was tinged by concern for both of them. Kenshin might have seemed relaxed, but the doctor didn't think he was imagining just how much the former hitokiri was... well... hovering.

Megumi was, in truth, perfectly happy to have him pick her up and carry her. She was not ready to admit just how tired she was, especially in the face of such enthusiasm. Even Kenshin seemed to think it was a good idea - of course it had been his. Nonetheless, in her limited experience, men were even less into shopping as a rule, and Kenshin himself didn't strike her as the exception.

~But he is not like other men.~ Megumi smiled wryly. Not that it really mattered much, after all.

In her mind, it all came back to one inevitable fact. She knew it as surely as if it was written in stone, even if the others didn't. Genzaisensei was a wonderful doctor, and respected her need to prepare - such news was not something that was shared easily. And it would not be fair to let herself care too much; when she died it would only be worse for those around her. She wished she could just alienate them – especially him – and go her own way to die, but nothing was ever that simple. For one, Kenshin was too sweet to hold a grudge over something foolish like a woman's whim, which was how it would look to them. There was nothing she could do but tell them the truth. The hardest part would be this shopping trip, and Megumi wished she could somehow call it to a halt. If she pled fatigue early on, she might salvage some of her dignity, but if they saw the fresh bruises covering her too-thin body, the way her skin sagged loosely over her bent frame, they would know as surely as she. She comforted herself with the dim recollection that shopping for kimono rarely involved much risk of her body being seen.

She was simply not ready to share that knowledge. It was hard enough to face as it was. Maybe it might be easier to cope with friends, but it was hard to hurt them so, when they'd done all they could. That was why she must leave them soon. Surely they would understand. She must leave them again in order to protect them, but this time she would explain. This time, at least, she had the freedom to tell them. Every minute mattered, but not as desperately as it had eight years before.

She only realized she had fallen asleep when she heard him calling her name repeatedly.

"Megumidono... Megumidono?" Kenshin looked at the Oguni sisters in bewildered worry.

"Hmmm. I think I fell asleep." Megumi opened her eyes slowly and blinked, realizing where they were

"Megumisan, come on, this is one of the best places to shop!" Ayame was full of the energy only a twelve year old could have when shopping was the game to be played.

"Yes, Megumisan, it is very good. They have quality clothes at good prices." Suzume giggled and Megumi smiled; the girl was obviously teasing her sister. There was a very strong familial tie among the residents of the clinic and of the dojo.

They just had strange ways of showing it, sometimes. Megumi wished she could be part of that, even as she realized the futility of that wish.

The shopping trip itself was relatively painless, so to speak. The sisters fought over what color to dress Megumi in; she was a doll for their amusement, and she was disinclined to argue. It was a nice change to be fussed over and adorned with beautiful things. Eventually the sisters compromised, leaving their "victim" in a state of discombobulation while they discussed prices with the shopkeeper. The blue and lavender kimono suited her beautifully, she had to admit, and she might dress herself with ease. Despite their youth and innocence, Ayame and Suzume were well aware of Megumi's weakened state.

However, that didn't stop them from wanting to shop more for her.

"Oh, come on Megumisan, you simply cannot have only one kimono! It's just unthinkable!" Ayame looked wounded at Megumi's suggestion to return to the dojo after the girls had negotiated the first sale.

"Neechan, Megumisan is exhausted. You can't expect her to just be able to zip through the stores like you can," Suzume chided.

"Suzumedono's right, Ayamedono." Kenshin, of course, was the ultimate voice of reason. He didn't need any training to see that the once-strong woman was ready to collapse. He felt another flash of futile anger towards Takeda Kanryuu, though he was certain that it was more than the maltreatment she'd received at his hands that was costing Megumi so much.

"Please. I hate to be end of the party but I'm so tired." None of the rest of the group could miss how much pain Megumi was in as well, though she did her best to hide it.

"Very well," Ayame said breezily. "We can always shop more another day."

Kenshin nodded and picked up the frail woman once more. "Ayamedono, you carry Megumidono's purchases. Unless you'd like to carry Megumidono instead." He grinned and Ayame made a face at him.

"I've got the clothes. Though I don't see why you don't carry them, too. It's not like we got all that much." Indeed, there was only the one kimono and a few of the basic necessities.

Megumi smiled at the sisters. She fell asleep again on the way to the Kamiya Dojo. Even a brief excursion tired her, a fact that frightened her friends more than they liked to admit. Suzume admitted her own concerns to Kenshin as they walked.

She didn't even wake up when he lay her down on her futon at the dojo, instead rolling on to her side, wincing, and sighing softly in her sleep.

"Kaorudono, could you make some tea for Megumidono when she wakes up? Suzumedono, I think you should bring Genzaisensei over for dinner."

"Dinner?" Yahiko stuck his head in. "I hope you're cooking, Kenshin." The young man smirked. Kaoru merely rolled her eyes at him.

"Don't worry. I'll have my revenge after the baby is born." She smiled sweetly at him as she made her way out of the room to make the tea. "YahikoCHAN!" Her laughter trailed after her as her former student growled unconvincingly. Even he would admit that Kaoru's cooking had vastly improved - but only under duress and out of earshot. Some relationships were best kept unchanging.

"What happened, Kenshin?" Sanosuke shot a concerned look at the sleeping figure as he came in from the direction of the kitchen as the sisters slipped out to collect their grandfather. "Jouchan said she's out cold. What'd you do, run a race or three?"

Kenshin turned to his friend, exhaustion written on his own features. "Megumidono is not recovering well. Her visit to Genzaisensei seemed to confirm something she already knew, but this one suspects that the news isn't good."

"She's going to want to protect us from whatever it is, which means she's going to want to leave." Yahiko's expression was grim as he looked at the other two.

"Well, then we simply won't let her go." Kaoru came back in with a set expression. "Megumisan needs us more than she needs to spare us. It's silly for us to let her go when we can help her ourselves until she gets better." She looked to Kenshin, suddenly nervous. "She will get better, won't she?"

He met her gaze, his own troubled. "Her condition is unknown to this one, but no assumptions are being made."

Fortunately, Kaoru chose to take his words at face value. She knew him well enough to know he had his own ideas, but also that some things were best left alone. Megumi would tell them when she was ready, in her own words and her own way.

Very little was said over the next couple of hours. Kaoru sat mending clothes and watching over Megumi while Sanosuke and Yahiko did some work in the yard. Kenshin made a special dinner. There were no exotic foods, but there was variety, and more than enough to go around. Even with the Oguni family and Megumi, there would be enough for them to eat their fill. ~What a change from the old days,~ Kenshin smiled to himself as he cooked.

Megumi stirred as the aroma of food began to permeate the dojo. "Mmm.. Something smells divine." She stretched and sat up as Kaoru laid down her current project; she had finished the mending and was now making an outfit for the baby. "Oh, let me see?" Megumi reached slightly for the fabric Kaoru had just laid aside. "Oh! That's beautiful, Kaorusan! You're so lucky," she sighed wistfully.

"I have very much to be thankful for, and a great deal of that thanks is for my friends and my family," Kaoru smiled down at the older woman. "Every day reminds me of that, and I live every day to the fullest."

"You've grown so much since..." Megumi's voice trailed off. "Forgive me. I'm afraid I haven't, very much."

"As long as you don't comment on my cooking like Yahiko still does." Kaoru laughed. "Kenshin's made dinner, by the way, and it should be ready soon. Genzaisensei and the girls will be joining us."

"That will be nice. Is there anything I can do to help out at all?"

"Not really. If you like, there's still some time before we eat; I could draw you a bath." Kaoru smiled cheerfully. Megumi missed the twinkle in her eyes.

"Oh, I couldn't impose on you like that, Kaorusan!"

"Please! It isn't a problem at all. Watch." Kaoru took a deep breath. "YAHIKO!"

"Now what do you want, ugly?" Kaoru's former student walked in, fresh from the yard work. Megumi noticed just how nicely he had grown up as he stretched, shirtless, with a mocking grin at the two of them. "I was working hard, promise!"

Kaoru tried not to laugh. "Well I want you to take a break and draw up a hot bath."

"Great!"

Before he could run off she continued. "For Megumisan."

"Oh come on!" Yahiko made a big show of grumbling about it as he turned and slouched out to the bathhouse. Megumi glanced at Kaoru.

"Some things never really change, ne?"

"And some things never stay the same," Kaoru's eyes met Megumi's with a look of understanding. "Go on, Yahiko will get you towels and such."

Megumi rose slowly as Kaoru went back to her needlework. By the time she arrived at the bathhouse, Yahiko had already set out towels and soap and heated the water to a delicious temperature. All Megumi had to do was get into the bath, which she did with a sigh. "Ohh, this is perfect. I've got to thank Yahikosan. How on earth did he get the water to such a perfect temperature?" She slid down under the water for a brief moment, coming up to watch her hair swirl loosely around her through the slight steam. For once, she was not tempted to dwell on the poor condition of her body as she reveled in the comfort of a bath without time limits, without any limit but the eventual call of her hunger.

When the water cooled, she emerged to find that someone had laid out her new kimono next to her towels. How wonderful it was, she thought, to be able to wear clean, fresh clothes after a relaxing bath! It had been far too long since she'd been able to really indulge herself. How could someone be so alone for so long, and survive?

A tear slid down her cheek as she put on the new kimono. Survive, indeed. She would tell them all tonight, after dinner. She felt incredibly guilty at herself - they had bought her new clothes, taken her into their home and their hearts and now she would be leaving them with cruel news. So little in life was fair...


	6. Chapter 6

This was probably going to be the hardest thing she'd ever done. Even harder, she suspected, than leaving the first time had been. At least this time would be the last...

It took all of her willpower to open the door and make her way down to the dojo proper with a smile on her face.

Genzaisensei had already arrived with his granddaughters when she went inside. He looked up at her arrival and raised his eyebrows slightly in a quick, questioning glance, to which she nodded slightly.

"Kaorusan, thank you for affording me that opportunity. Yahikosan, how did you get the water to such a perfect temperature?" Megumi stretched again for effect, smiling at the young fighter in serene joy. "I can't remember the last time I've had a bath quite so relaxing." She smoothed down the braid she'd put in her hair after her soaking and turned slowly. "And Suzumesan, Ayamesan, thank you for this. You both have wonderful taste in clothes!"

"What I'd love to know is why my sister never applies her fashion sense to herself," Suzume teased. Ayame glared at her and stuck her tongue out. Suzume only joined in everyone else's laughter.

"It does look very nice on you, Megumidono," Kenshin said admiringly as he emerged from the kitchen with a large tray of onigiri. "Aren't you glad the girls talked you into a shopping trip?"

"I suppose I am, at that," the woman mused as she took her seat. It was easy to hide just how thin she was underneath the kimono, and almost as easy to hide the faint trembling in her knees, but those knees were growing tired. She sat with all the grace she could manage.

"Oiy, jouchan, I've picked up what you asked me to. And I also picked up this." Sanosuke strode in and thrust a package at his wife. With his other hand, he produced a large bouquet from behind his back which he presented with a flourish to Megumi. "From us to you, my lady."

Megumi blinked. Everyone was looking at her and smiling. Somehow she managed not to burst into tears, smiling and thanking them quietly.

"I'll go put these in water for you, Megumisan." Kaoru smiled as she picked up a vase.

Megumi nodded, her head buried in the gathering of irises and lilies amidst ferns and baby's breath. "They're beautiful."

"Beautiful flowers for a beautiful lady," Genzaisensei smiled at his patient, yet there was something in his eyes that challenged her, as if he knew that she did not plan to stay once she had confessed her condition.

Kaoru emerged just then with the filled vase in one hand, eating something with her other. "Gomen ne," she said around a mouthful. "Pickled salmon. It sounds awful, I know, and if I weren't pregnant I'd probably avoid it like the plague." She smiled apologetically at the others as she held the vase out to Megumi. "Here, put them in here and we'll trim them properly later. Kenshin, is dinner ready yet? I'm starving!" She stuffed another bite of salmon into her mouth.

"My poor suffering wife. Our hearts break for you." Sanosuke grinned and put his arms around her with a lazy grin.

"Oh, don't be cruel to a heart that's true," Kaoru pouted at him.

"You two are disgusting." Yahiko made a sour face as he walked in with a large covered tray and Tsubame in tow. "We have another guest; she brought dessert."

As the laughter died and the food and people made their ways to the table, Tsubame mentioned that Taesan sent regards and regrets that she would not be able to join them that evening.

"She also wanted to know about Kenshin's love life. She says you've been playing bachelor maid for far too long, Kenshin." Yahiko grinned at the man who had once been a hitokiri. "She thinks you ought to get a girlfriend. She says she knows several women looking for a sweet, stable man who knows how to cook and clean."

"Kenshin, Taesan's right. It's not good for you to be alone so long, and it can't be easy for you living with us like this." Kaoru looked sympathetically at her friend, who was not only red-haired but red-faced by now.

"Let him be. I'm sure Kensan is perfectly capable of finding someone for himself without you all pushing and shoving at him!" Megumi smiled gently at the slight red figure who threw her a relieved glance. It was a sore spot for him, since he had returned, and they often teased him about it though they never crossed the line. Kenshin simply hadn't found a woman he could love. Not since Tomoe, nearly twenty years earlier, had he met a woman that could bring him out of the shell he'd built around himself. Then, her death had caused him to fortify that wall. What he saw as his failure to protect Megumi had cost him a great deal, and he had left Tokyo to go after Shishio with no intention of returning. He had sworn never to marry again.

And now that Megumi had come back, strong in her own way, for a brief moment he'd thought there might be hope for him. Yet now, with something obviously weighing on Megumi's mind, he suspected that his time with her, too, would be brief. At least this time, he was forewarned.

He shook his head to clear it as he sat at the table, having brought out the last of the food. "Well, there should be enough for everyone!" He smiled brightly, not allowing himself to dwell on the negative train his thoughts had been aboard.

"It looks delicious, Kenshinsan." Tsubame smiled shyly at the red-haired rurouni. He smiled, knowing that was no small praise coming from one trained in the management and food preparation of a busy and popular restaurant. Especially someone as shy and reserved as Tsubame was; associating with Yahiko had done very little to open her up over the years. Then again, it hadn't done much to tame him either.

"Yes, it does. I think I could even manage more than a bite or two myself," Megumi teased. The laughter was forced; they'd all noticed how little she ate. There was silence for a little while after that, when everyone became engrossed in the food. Kenshin's culinary skills had improved even more, and though the fare was simple, it was as delicious as it looked.

Megumi did eat well, though, as did everyone else, and little was said beyond the sprinkled "Please pass the onigiri" and "Can I have the cakes" comments. She even had room for the dessert Tsubame had brought over.

That was a surprise to everyone: chocolate cake. "I made it myself. We don't make it often, but Yahiko told me there was to be a big dinner tonight and I insisted." She blushed delicately, a beautiful young woman and rightfully proud of her creation. Kenshin handed the knife to Megumi.

"Please do us the honor of cutting the cake, Megumidono?" He smiled hopefully at her.

"But you're so much better with a blade, Kensan," Megumi countered.

"Oiy, don't chicken out on us," Sano teased.

Yahiko grinned at the taller man. "You're the chicken head around here."

Sano took it in stride. "Always have been, always will be." Megumi wondered how long it had taken him to become so mellow.

Megumi took the knife with only a little reluctance. It was a beautiful cake, after all, and she'd only had chocolate once before, long before she'd been chained to Kanryuu's opium empire. The memory was a pleasant one.

She made sure that everyone had a piece before she took some for herself, but even after seeing the delight on the others' faces she was not quite prepared for the unique sweetness of the cake. Tsubame was definitely someone to stay around; if she made this only once a year she would have devoted friends for life.

Megumi said so, and the young woman blushed.

"I would love for you to teach me to make this cake, please," she said, and both the Oguni sisters nodded in agreement.

"Us too!" Ayame chimed. In an aside to her sister, she added, "This is a surefire way to catch a husband!"

Suzume rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Is that all you ever think about? We're too young for husbands!"

"That isn't true and you know it!" Ayame was indignant. "I am so old enough to get married if I want!"

"Not quite, Ayamechan. Marriage is a lot more work than it looks like," Kaoru chided gently. "It's a lot of compromise and cooperation. Having a husband does not automatically grant you freedom. If anything," she continued with a teasing look at Sanosuke, "It's more like being a slave!"

"Ha! You think you've got it bad! 'Honey, get me this! Honey, I crave that! Would you be a dear and do this for me? I can't reach this, darling, could you please...?'" Sano's falsetto complaints set everyone off again.

"Some jokes just never grow old," Genzaisensei sighed nostalgically.

"Who's joking?" Sano blinked back innocently.

It wasn't long before the cake was gone; it hadn't been very large but it was rich, and no one quite wanted to get up after the filling meal. Conversation lulled as everyone drifted off into their own thoughts.

It was time to tell them, Megumi knew, hating that she was about to spoil the mood. She cleared her throat softly.

"What is it, Megumidono? Is something on your mind?" Kenshin looked at her closely, though it was clear he already knew the answer.

She looked at the older doctor and nodded slightly to his questioning look again. She looked back down at the floor. "Forgive me."

"Megumisan?" Kaoru looked as confused as they all felt. Except, of course, for the old doctor.

Megumi caught his eye with a pleading glance.

"Would you, please...?"

He held her gaze for a moment, and a moment longer, before he nodded. "As you know, I examined Megumisan. She's suffered through a lot under that Kanryuu's treatment, but she felt there was something more and asked that I double-check her suspicions." He looked back at his patient.

Megumi took a deep breath. "He did, and confirmed what I had thought." She paused, trying to control her emotions. "I'm very ill." It sounded rather lame when she said it. "I don't want to be a burden on you any more than I have to, and I've heard of a clinic I can go to where they look after those with illnesses like mine." Her gaze was locked on the floor again.

"Isn't there something we can do?" Kaoru's own expression was desperate.

Megumi said nothing, so her physician took over again in a quiet voice. "I'm afraid not. If we'd had more warning, we might have been able to try something, but her condition has progressed too far."

"I don't want to be a burden on anyone, so I'll be leaving within a day or two at the most." Megumi was barely audible, even in the profound silence.

"Oh no. You're not going anywhere this time." Sano's voice was low and hard. "You ran eight years ago and look where it got you."

"But I -"

"No buts." Kaoru's voice was as determined as her husband's, even as her hand rubbed her pregnant abdomen worriedly. "You can't run away this time, Megumisan. If you need help, that's what friends are for."

"I did warn you, Megumisan," the old doctor smiled gently.

"Please. I'm only going to get worse. It won't be pleasant for any of us. I don't want to be a burden - you have the baby coming - I can't possibly ask -"

"Then don't." Kenshin looked up through thick red bangs at her. There could be no questioning him, based on his intensity, but Megumi's was no less.

"I will not ask you to care for me that way. I'm dying." The hesitation gone from her voice, Megumi looked up at last to meet Kenshin's eyes. No one else spoke; the issue was somehow suddenly and exclusively between them. "I'm going to die, Kenshin, and it will be a slow death. I will not be able to do things for myself. I will not be able to feed myself, or take care of myself, and I cannot ask you to take up that burden. Especially with a child on the way. Will you ask that child to be born into a house where there is already sickness and death on the horizon?" Megumi looked ready to cry.

"This one will not have a friend leave when she is most in need." Kenshin looked up and Megumi saw that he would not allow her to go. She saw why in the desperation in his eyes. "Let us have the time that we have." They all knew there would be no further discussion.

Megumi bowed her head. Kenshin reached across and took her hand in his.

"Domo arigatou gozaimasu." Their eyes met again. There was nothing more to be said. Sanosuke and Yahiko quietly began to clear the table as the others silently drifted outside to leave Kenshin and Megumi to their silent communication.

"I'm worried for him," Kaoru admitted later to the others. "When she's gone, it could break him for good."

Yahiko looked at her with an expression she had not seen in years, and then only on the face of a twenty-eight year old hitokiri turned rurouni. "He's been broken for years. It won't be easy, but what kind of man would I be if I let her go? What kind of person would any of us be? She thinks she would be sparing us, but she's only running away again. I'm not going to let that happen."

It had the sound of a promise. Kaoru shuddered. ~This boy... He truly is a man of whom to be proud.~

Megumi and Kenshin sat silently a long while.


	7. Chapter 7

The weather was brightly sunny and pleasant. Spring was in the air, and throughout Tokyo there was the feeling of newness that always came with the season. A young man walked through the streets oblivious to the joyous atmosphere. He was rushed, but it seemed his shoulders bent under a heavy burden as he approached the cemetery. It had been a long journey from Germany, where he had spent most of the past month with Yutaro. There had not been enough warning for the young doctor to return to Japan with Yahiko, though he had promised to visit as soon as he could. Yahiko knew he had most likely missed the service, but he hoped to find everyone still there. 

"Yahiko." Kaoru smiled sadly at the young man as he approached. "Almost everyone else has left." 

"Kaoru." He hugged her briefly, shaking hands with her husband. "Sanosuke. There was a storm, or I'd have made better time." He shared a sad glance with the taller man as they turned to look at the lone figure, standing a little way apart from them. "How's Kenshin?" 

Kaoru shook her head. "He's hardly said a word since she died. He was silent throughout the whole funeral." She cast him a worried glance. 

Yahiko nodded. "Where's the baby?" 

"She's with Suzume. They went home with Genzaisensei and Ayame immediately after the funeral. I wanted to make sure Kenshin is all right." 

"I don't think waiting here is going to help him right now. He'll want to be alone." He shared a glance with Kaoru as Sanosuke took his wife by the arm. 

"Come on. Let's go take Megumichan home from the clinic. I think you could both use each other's company right now." He looked down at the woman he had married, his own pain evident. 

Kaoru nodded. Yahiko met her eyes. "I know Megumi would be glad to know you named your daughter after her." 

Megumi's decline had been rapid even from the time she came to them. For the last few weeks of her life, Megumi had been unaware of her surroundings, barely able to even eat when she was fed. She had spent most of a month before that making arrangements for her own small funeral and her few belongings. At the last, she'd been locked in a coma for several days before giving in. Her death had not been easy. They all knew, however, that she had not died unhappy at the end; in one of her last coherent moments, she had thanked them. The words still echoed in their ears. 

_Thank you. Thank you for being my friends, for making me happy again. And Kensan, thank you for letting me love you. Tell the baby I love her too._

Kaoru had given birth later that week to a daughter. There was no question as to what they would name the baby, nor did they wonder how she'd known it would be a girl. She was now almost a month old. She would never know the woman whose name she bore, but she would never be allowed to forget. 

None of them would. 

Sanosuke led his wife towards the clinic and home as Yahiko approached Kenshin. 

"Kenshin. Why don't you come home for now." He laid a hand on the older man's shoulder. He was taller than Kenshin, now, though not much. Kenshin turned haunted eyes to his former student. "We'll wait dinner for you. Tsubame's bringing in from the Akabeko. Taesan insisted." Yahiko turned to walk away, quietly following Sanosuke and Kaoru home. 

"Yahiko." 

The younger man stopped and turned back to look at his friend. "Hai?" 

"Yahiko, don't wait dinner for this one." 

"Kenshin... What are you saying?" 

"Please tell Kaorudono and the others that this one..." 

"Kenshin, I think I know what you're going to say and I don't-" 

Kenshin cut off the words with a shake of his head. "Tell Kaorudono..." 

Yahiko waited, knowing beyond doubt what must be coming. Hating it, as he hated the sight of the fresh grave. 

"Sessha wa rurouni de gozaru." _This one is a rurouni. _Kenshin looked back at Yahiko, and saw that the younger man understood and would do as he asked. "Once again, this one will drift." But it was Yahiko who nodded, Yahiko who moved away first, leaving the slight redhead alone at last among the unresponsive stones. 

Time passed silently, slipping effortlessly by Kenshin as he stood over Megumi's grave. ~How has this all come to pass this way?~

Someday, he would return to Tokyo again. Perhaps someday soon. For now, though, there was another journey he needed to make, back to Kyoto. It was a journey he had put off for eighteen years. ~Perhaps, if things had been different, I might have gone to that place sooner. Perhaps answers will be found if I go there... I should have gone long ago.~ 

He knelt by the fresh grave and laid a last flower down. For a long moment he stayed unmoving. "Once again, this one… is adrift." He turned around and started walking.

_[AN] _ _Go ahead, hate away if you like. _ _I did warn you it was not a happy ending and not canon. I forget just what it was when I had written this that weighed on my mind. _ _It might have been another cancer scare (I've had a few over the last few years) in addition to some other things. _ _It might have been something else entirely. _ _Recently, though, I've been confronted by decisions that seem minor but on reflection bear ramifications that reach much farther than my own small existence. _ _I have been learning that no amount of consideration can possibly account for every possibility. _ _It is a difficult lesson to learn. _ _[/AN]_


End file.
